Dumb Diary of Lily Evans
by l'il blueberry muffin
Summary: This is a daily recording of Lily's adventures in Hogwarts. Please review!
1. Sept 1, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Today James Potter asked me on a date, and it was only about the umpteenth time he did so. He's so pathetic! And who else would accompany him besides his dumb little cronies, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Peter was stuck in bed with the most horrible type of flu. Of course Remus isn't that bad. He's actually decent enough to be a prefect, which he is, naturally. (Secretly, I think Dumbledore chose him to keep the dumbsome twosome out of trouble.)

My best friend Gwendolyn is so cool. She wears vintage robes, and not the normal ones you can get at Madame Malkin's. She makes them _herself_. She finds cobwebs in her living room and charms them to become special silk-print fabric. Did I mention that she's ridiculously awesome?

My other best friend is Alice, Alice Veane. She's going out with that Longbottom boy, and frankly, I think he really _does_ have a long bottom. Alice is so ridiculously girly. Today she bewitched her robes to turn pink when the professors aren't looking, and she tied her hair up in this ridiculously fancy pink ribbon. I rolled my eyes when I saw her floating along on Frank's arm.

Anyway, Dumb Diary, I obviously rejected James' date. Do you know how he asked me? He got Sirius to deliver it for him. It was written in color-change ink. Goodness, did he think that he would win my heart with colorful, loopy letters? I scrawled the word _no_ on the back of it with my Quick-Quotes-Quill and sent it off again. Sirius read my reply when he thought I wasn't looking and bit off a large corner of it. Boys are very strange.

Also, Xavier Terrace asked me out when he saw how infuriated I was when James asked me out for the millionth time. I said 'thank you but no' to him politely. "I'd rather eat a skunk and get sprayed with its odor ten times than go out with you." You're probably wondering what's wrong with Xavier. Well, let me tell you. He isn't dumb or drooly, or pranky, like James. He just has this horribly disgusting acne problem, and his nose is very long. Like the old witch in "Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump". Nasty.

Wish me luck in the new term.

Signed, Lily Evans.

P.S. If I have a son, I decided I would name him either Remus or Harry. In honor of the only normal prefect in the world. And if I had a girl, I would most definitely name her either Gwendolyn or Naomi. In honor of my awesome friend, and Naomi's just a pretty name I dreamed up during the most horribly boring class in the world – History. Professor Binns is appalling.


	2. Sept 2, 1972

Sept. 2, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Sorry I didn't write the date before, but in case you're wondering I'm in fifth year and there's the date right above this entry.

James was avoiding me in the corridors today. He kept averting his eyes and looking down at the marble staircase whenever I flashed the Look at him. It's ever so interesting, because only Christ knows that he loves to play pranks, jokes, and tricks on me. Like last term. He insulted me by looking directly at my face and saying playfully, "Do you want to see something absolutely repulsive? I'm looking right at it." Only Black and Pettigrew laughed at that one (Peter was fed Pepperup Potion and he's good as new, only his ears are smoking somewhat).

And – this might come as a big shock to you – I'm writing from the _hospital wing_!

It's all that James' fault. When he wasn't looking, he accidentally ran into me and knocked me out (head collision is very effective).

When I finally snapped my green eyes open, Madam Pomfrey was leaning over me and forcing some Bruise Brew down my throat. You couldn't have chosen a worse time to wake up, Dumb Diary. I choked it all down, and Madam Pomfrey got me a sausage and five glasses of herb tea from the Herbology class.

I gulped it all down and suddenly noticed James lying in the bed next to me. I let out a yelp, and Madam Pomfrey impatiently shrieked at me to shut my piehole (the nurse can be mean if she wants to). His face was coated in plum-coloured bruises and his eye was charcoal-coloured. I watched, terrified, as Madam Pomfrey made her damn way to the idiot boy and used a careful eyedropper to put it down _his_ throat. Being a boy has its priveleges.

Madam Pomfrey just dropped by to say that I'm going to go to my Transfiguration class in a moment. I'm going to scribble the rest down before I have to leave.

Today, Sirius and Remus dropped by to see James. He's still knocked out. I don't feel the least bit guilty – after all, it's all his fault – but they both glared at me. I gulped and looked down at my peachy blue sheets. While they slapped his face (Madam Pomfrey wasn't looking, of course) to check if he was alive, I twisted a strand of my fiery-red hair around my unusually long index finger, so as you can see, Dumb Diary, it took a long time to unravel. Madam Pomfrey caught Sirius slapping James' bruised cheek, she kicked them out.

Adios, Dumb Diary. Madam Pomfrey told me to leave before she alerted the Headmaster, Dumbledore.

Signed, Lily Evans.

P.S. There's no P.S. this time – oh, damn.


	3. Sept 3, 1972

Dear Dumbest Diary,

Sorry I wrote "dumbest" this time, but I'm infuriated. Guess why? Who? _James Potter_, that's who! He's so dumb, I could execute his head off in a minute without giving it a second thought.

Today James cast a spell to send a stream of slick oil out of his wand and onto the scrubbed marble floors of the corridor. I just "happened" to be walking by, and I slipped. So once again, I landed in the hospital wing. I broke my leg, it turns out, and Madam Pomfrey mumbled some unintelligible words, waving her wand. My leg healed instantly, and Madam Pomfrey examined my leg before letting me leave.

I was blushing by the time I stepped into the corridor. James and his cronies were all grouped together in a corner, laughing and pointing at my crimson-coloured face. I stuck out my tongue at them. Who knows? Next time, James will do more than just trip me up.

Anyway, Gwendolyn got asked by Xavier today to go on a date. Our next Hogsmeade date is next week, and Xavier asked to go to that lovey-doveytea shop up at the top of the hill, Puddifoot's. Gwendolyn despises the colors pink and red, but she said she'd love to check out Zonko's. But never with Xavier, she admitted to me later. She said she'd love to go with Sirius Black. I don't know what she sees in him. He's the most pathetic, immature boy in the world, aside from James, of course. When Gwen asked Sirius out, Sirius tossed his shaggy black hair out of his eyes and said, his coal-black eyes twinkling, "Isn't the _guy_ supposed to ask the _girl_ out?"

At this, Gwen blushed redder than I had when I had exited from the hospital wing. "Would you like to go to Zonko's?" (I know this because Gwen told me, and in part, I was standing behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy when they were having their "romantic conversation".

"Sure," said Sirius casually.

I ran from behind the statue, and as soon as Sirius spotted the blur of red that was my wavy hair, he shouted, "Yo, Lils!"

I froze. In contrast to the barely visible blur before, my hair hung limply past my thin, limber shoulders.

Then, the most unfortunate thing happened.

Xavier popped out of the Transfiguration class that was flooding from the room nearest, planted a light, feathery kiss on Gwen's forehead, and stalked off.

Sirius stood, dumbstruck, in front of Gwen, his mouth hanging open. The last words he said to Gwen were, "It's over." Then, his robes flapping around his thin ankles, he walked away. Gwen's tears filled with eyes as she slowly turned to face me. I blushed, walked over, embraced Gwen tightly, and led her to the Gryffindor portrait hole. I told the Fat Lady to shut her fucking mouth up when she asked for the password, but I didn't really do the cussing. I just told her to shut up, but she patiently waited until she told us the password. I rolled my eyes, muttered, "Gull wing," and the portrait swung open. I led the crying Gwen in, and Sirius was silently tittering along with his dumb Marauder group. I happen to know they call each other Prongs (James), Padfoot (Sirius), Moony (Remus), and Wormtail (Peter), because I saw that they had left a Marauder Map in the hump of the one-eyed witch. Being small and able to fit into squished places has its advantages (only I'm not telling you where I hid).

But I might as well, because you're my dumb diary, anyway. Okay. Here goes – I hid under the Invisibility Cloak.

Don't ask where I found it, because I'm going to tell you. During our last Hogsmeade trip, I nicked their map, found the secret passage, and also nicked a silvery cloak from James' trunk that was at the foot of his bed.

Signed, Lily Evans


	4. Sept 4, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Today Lina Wuzanou, from Germany, asked me if she should attend Treas De Oine Magic Academy of Fine Arts because she's from Germany, after all, and she's a foreign exchange student. Dumb Diary, does being in the same continent mean that they're foreign?

I got a letter from Tuny, my sister. And my parents. My parent wrote more heartfelt, kind, warm things than Tuny. Tuny scribbled out something about her pimples, but unfortunately Mum didn't read it before sending it off. Valevine, our handsome tawny owl, is getting old, and he died ages ago. Mum and Daddy buried him by magic behind our little old country house, and Mum wrote that she was getting a new one. This time, she was getting a snowy white one, a female. She named her Maevine, and she enclosed a picture of her. It was solid, of course, but Alice was prodding it and trying to make Maevine hoot.

James Potter mostly kept quiet today, but only because he's still part drowsy, and part because he and his cronies were holding secret meetings in this room that _I _ really can't see but _they_ somehow _can_. There's suddenly this big door… and they go in, by the looks of it. I tried to see how they get in (I was still hiding under James' Invisibility Cloak) but they just vanish into thin air, like the barrier at King's Cross. I wonder what you have to do.

Today Gwen asked for another chance with Sirius. I guess Sirius was a little intimidated, because he suddenly tensed up, his hairs on the back of his neck rising, and he walked a little stiffly past Gwen. Gwen wouldn't talk to me, but asked Professor McGonagall if she could clean out the cobwebs in the Transfiguration room. I guess Gwen was planning on making more vintage robes.

But that's not all. She also collected stray spiders, dumped them all in a box that opens to only one person's touch, and left briskly. McGonagall wanted to thank Gwen for helping out and being kind, after all, Gwen is pretty smart. Gwen just scampered out of there like it was some kind of hellhole, and gave a halfhearted wave to McGonagall. I wasn't there, but Gwen told me all the details. And by the sounds of it, I'll guess that McGonagall was pretty dumbstruck.

Today, I picked up a stray lead block from Snape's stores, hid under the Invisibility Cloak, and went down to the Quidditch Field.

There James Potter was, flying like some kind of heroic survivor. I aimed carefully for his head, tossed the block, and it went flying.

But what I _hadn't_ counted on was James swerving to avoid a Bludger and the Beater, Gregory McLorde, swerving where I was aiming. _Thunk_. It collided fatally with his head, and he fell nearly fifty feet to the grass. I could only watch, crouching under the Cloak, as the large, bulky figure crashed to the ground. I could see a whole lot of red liquid around his body, but I didn't want to believe it was blood.

Tons of people landed on the well-tended grass and formed a circle around the McLorde boy. I didn't want to be caught, so I headed for the castle – only Snape stopped me when I was near the exit of the stadium.

"And just_ where_ do you think you're going, young lass?" Snape said scornfully, raising an eyebrow at my shuddering figure.

"I d-don't know…" But Snape didn't buy it. He grabbed me by the collar of my robes and steered me to the bloody scene.

"Lily, James, support him to the hospital wing, please," ordered McGonagall, pointing toward the castle. James flashed me a sly grin, but then McGonagall changed her mind.

Luckily, Snape didn't report me at all.

McLorde's still in the death row. Wish me luck, diary.

Signed, Lily Evans.

P.S. I'm tired of writing the date now…


	5. Sept 5, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

McLorde's head was fractured so badly Madam Pomfrey actually removed his skull, but before she did she removed his eyes, ears, lips, anything connected to his head. The sight was frightening. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us in the hospital wing to see him, only if _we_ were injured ourselves. (Tons of people actually _tried_ to get broken legs and stuff…)

The blood on the Quidditch field was siphoned off by Dumbledore. He looked really upset because a student was seriously injured. I'm screaming with guilt. I _would_ turn myself in, but I'm too nervous…. Dumbledore can get really angry at times, Dumb Diary. If I turn myself in, I'll be on the next train trip back to Tuny and my parents.

In Potions with Slughorn, Snape tossed me a tightly furled scroll. I untied the black ribbon, unrolled it, and read it. There was a single, huge word leaping out at me. _Mudblood_.

Unfortunately, that pureblood James was reading over my shoulder. I knew he had an everlasting, burning desire for my loving him, so what could he do but offer to beat up Snape?

I nodded breathlessly, clutching the note in my hand. James winked and set off to find that dirty, grimy-haired wimp.

Everyone said Snape was lucky, because the brawl in the entrance hall was discovered first by Slughorn, who fetched McGonagall, who fetched Dumbledore. Dumbledore was calm, however, unlike McGonagall. McGonagall's nostrils were flaring conspicuously, Slughorn's expression was dumbstruck, and Dumbledore's face was straight. Luckily for Snape Dumbledore arrived in the middle of what James was planning to do to rearrange his face.

"Severus Snape," said Dumbledore calmly, evenly, in a voice like velvet. "Please go to the hospital wing. Bellatrix Lestrange, please accompany him there." Then he rounded on James. "Detention. Professor McGonagall will decide on your punishment."

McGonagall nodded, grabbed James' forearm, and yanked him toward the marble staircase to her study. I watched, terrified, as James' head hung.

Anyway our O. are coming up and nearly all of the teachers gave a long talk about what we're going to be doing. I'm studying for Ancient Runes and I can't translate _habawabashey _properly. Gwen keeps telling me it's _Dark Lord_, but she left so I'm going to write popcorn instead, since it's a whole lot better anyway.

I decided to visit Snape, but Madam Pomfrey said that all visitors were blocked off until further notice. I dropped off a bunch of agapanthus that I conjured up and left.

Back to trying to get injured on purpose. Well, Penatra Clearwater (who is a boy) jumped off the second landing and fell in a heap on the floor (marble, mind you). There was a whole lot of blood and screaming. Dumbledore happened to be walking by, and he got furious the second he spotted Clearwater lying on the floor. Maybe Penatra should try changing his name to Penatra Clearblood.

Dumbledore conjured up a stretcher, magicked Clearwater onto it, and ordered McGonagall and Flitwick to help bring it to the fifth floor, the hospital wing. It's nearly overloaded now – I might mention that Xavier also leaped off the Astronomy Tower during our midnight lesson. Which was good for him, because some curious Hufflepuff girls crooned at him while he was taken to the hospital wing. A furious Professor Tuftless told all of them to clear out.

Bye-bye. McGonagall told us to sleep or she'd alert the Minister.

Signed, Lily Evans.


	6. Sept 10, 1972

Dear Stupid, Retard Diary,

James has detention for the whole term. My gosh. I was shocked when Gwen told me in her gossipy voice.

She also told me she asked Yvonne Shane what she thought about me.

Before I go on, I should probably explain that Yvonne Shane is the expert on all students that attend Hogwarts. She is also an excessive fish 'n' chips eater, but unfortunately Hogwarts doesn't add fish 'n' chips to their menu. While she's not eating that repulsive meal, she's gossiping.

This year, she made a popular list. It went around Hogwarts, and the infestation got so bad that Snape ended up yelling his yellow teeth off at all the girls who told him he was last on the list, and McGonagall confiscated them. But I know I was number five, under Claire, James, Sirius, and Gretta.

I screamed when I first heard. Me, under the Marauders? I wasn't mad at anyone else. Claire is the prettiest in the school with her silvery-blond hair and stark-white skin (she's a part Veela), and Gretta has thick, wavy blond hair, a thin figure, and eyes that could overcome a department store and ten pickup trucks.

Gwen was a little madder than I was. All the gothic chicks are below fifty, and Gwen got a little mad when she found out that stupid law. She shouted till her face was red, and McGonagall finally caught them while they were bickering away in the middle of the corridor. I was, as usual, scoping out the scene behind a statue or another. (P.S. I still didn't give the Cloak or the Map back. I figured James should find out where it went himself, and finally get that lazy butt of his off the armchairs in the common room.)

You're probably wondering how I knew to work it. Well, I found the stupid code for it taped to James' headboard. You couldn't count on him to keep one damn, effing secret. To be frank, he's not so bright. Which everyone knew already.

I use the map to find my friends. One time, I nearly got it confiscated because I was playing with it during Charms. James eyed me suspiciously, but I guess he let it slide because later, he was chatting animatedly with his cronies.

Heather Borcoukski, from Germany, left today with Lina Whats-her-name. Lina and Heather were fetched by their parents, and Professor McGonagall bade them a safe journey, which I'm sure she faked.

Anyway, gotta go. It's Binns' class, and he could get really irritating if he finds out I'm not really taking notes.

Signed, Lily Angry, Red-faced Evans.


	7. Sept 15, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Today was the absolutely worst day of my life, compared to the others.

You know I kind of like James, right? Okay, maybe you think I'm crazy, after all he's done to me, but I thought I'd give his horrible git a chance.

I dressed in my cleanest robes, polished my shoes, and walked down to where James was practicing Quidditch. It was Saturday, Diary, so I really had nothing to do, besides.

I watched them flying around pointlessly in the stadium, and finally, when they were finished, I decided to confront James while he was headed to the locker rooms.

"James…" I called his name, but James didn't hear, or was he teasing me?

I called his name a few times before he turned around and said, "Oh, it's only you. Thought it might be Joanie Shears….Nightmare, she is." He shuddered and asked, "So what did you need to say to me?"

"Nothing," I blurted out at the last minute, blushing. I dashed toward the castle, and James shrugged and continued on his way to the locker room, grumbling about not having breakfast.

Hey, Diary, you know how when people get in trouble for doig something bad, they just keep doing it anyway? Like James? Guess who was doing the bad stuff _this time_? Yvonne, that's who? Yvonne was making another popular list, because James and Sirius recently had a brawl about publicity. Hiding behind Uric the Oddball, I thought it was kind of in a joking way.

So Yvonne revised her list. I was top #1, because Gretta was taken away by her father last night for an "unhealthy school environment" and Claire had to go back to Bulgaria or whatever it is to help with the dance for the Quidditch Cup. (They held it earlier this time incase He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named comes up to ruin it all).

Next was Gwen, who nearly slapped Yvonne in Charms because she was putting all the goths way down.

Lunch that day was warm porridge and revolting vegetable soup with grilled cheese sandwiches, because the weather outside suggested no Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures. It's one of my favorite subjects, COMC, because Professor Kettleburn never really gives up on wild specimens.

As everyone very well knows, Lily Evans hates grilled cheese and will not eat it unless I get coffee with it. Filch banned coffee, because it suddenly makes students want to go outside and play, and if they do they track mud throughout the school.

I sipped my pumpkin juice, drained my vegetable soup in one gulp, and left the Great Hall to go to Divination.

Personally, I think the new Divination teacher, Professor Burnbee, is a fraud. Burnbee can't tell one symbol from another, so of course students complained. Burnbee isn't sacked _yet_, but I will wait till he is.

While Burnbee is going through inquiries, Professor Hansdee is going to take over. He's from the Department of Divination, Magical Orbs, Tea Leaves, and Death Omens in the Ministry of Magic. His department, I opined, has the longest name in the world, but he ignorned me and said, "Hurry up and read your Orb, Miss Evans." I harrumphed, but kept trying to look for something anyway. All I saw was a whole lot of fog, and Gwen read that she was going to have a very steamy prefect shower tonight. I laughed and laughed until Hansdee threatened to send me to the Headmaster.

Anyungheegehsehyo, Diary. (Goodbye in Korean.) Gwen needs to show me her new colored celery she finally managed to Charm.

Signed, Lillian Evans


	8. Sept 17, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

James left Hogwarts today to go to Hogsmeade with his dumb buddies. I didn't complete my Transfiguration essay on Animagi, so I hung back with a Spell-Check Quill in my hand. (I doubt James did it, but he's not an Outstanding student anyway, if you know what I mean.)

Today James and Sirius pulled a prank before they left, because I could bet all the jewels and treasures in Gringotts that they couldn't go a day without playing at least one joke or prank.

I gave up on James. I hate him so much I could tear him to pieces. How could I ever think that he would love me? I don't love him, but Gwen does, and Gwen loves anyone that isn't Sirius or Xavier.

McLorde came out of the hospital wing with Clearwater and Terrace. McLorde was so badly injured that he had to go to a Muggle hospital instead of being cared for by Madam Pomfrey. I'm nearly strangling everything I see with guilt, so don't get the wrong impression that I'm totally calmed. Because I'm not. Clearwater broke both arms and one leg so badly that Pomfrey had to remove the bones and feed him SkeleGro. Xavier fractured his skull and was wrapped in bandages, but since he lost so much blood he had to stay like a week.

Adios. Sorry this entry is so short but I'm eating an apple in the library because I'm not that social and I'm trying to complete my essay. Pince is getting on to me.

Signed, Lily Evanesco


	9. Sept 23, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

I'm screaming my guts out and dying painfully, but sure, I admitted that it was I that hit McLorde.

Here's the order of events:

First, I was nearly dying of guilt in the common room, so I walked in to McGonagall's office and admitted everything to her.

Then, she called Dumbledore. "Yes, Albus, she seems to be absolutely sure that she definitely is the one who hit the McLorde boy.

"Why? She says she was aiming for James Potter" – she glanced angrily at my face – "and she hit McLorde by accident."

Five seconds later, Dumbledore was at the door.

"Yes, come in, Albus."

Dumbledore entered. His robes swam swiftly behind him as he strode toward the extra armchair beside mine.

"So, I understand everything but one. I will not interrogate you any further than this question. Why were you aiming for James Potter in the first place?"

"H-he is always annoying me, sir. He is always playing pranks on me, and I thought…"

"Thought what?" interrupted Dumbledore politely.

"Maybe t-that this was a good way to get back at him." Diary, this sounds SO idiotic, I know. I hate myself for saying something so unbelievably stupid.

"You do know this is a serious offense." The dark room seemed to get smaller by the second.

"Yes."

"And that you can…"

"Not so fast, Minerva!" Dumbledore said. "I think this calls for a detention, but since you seem to have an incredible record, you will be released."

"Free of charge?" McGonagall exclaimed, her eyes widened.

"No, of course. Didn't you hear me? I think this calls for a detention…"

"Deten_tions_, surely, Albus?"

"Yes, Minerva, for the whole term. Let's make it with James, right?"

"Yes. James is released, thanks to you, and you will take his place scrubbing teachers' classrooms."

"Thank you, Professor," I whispered, and I darted out of the office."

I'm so shaken, Diary, that's all I can manage today.

Signed, Lillian Nervous Evan-Evilini


	10. Sept 24, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Well, those detentions didn't go as prettily as planned. It was horrible! McGonagall was supervising me, and torturing me. I had to scrub the whole classroom, dust out all the cobwebs, all that junk. McGonagall had a jewel-encrusted goblet in her fist, and a bag of crisps in her other hand. Usually she doesn't seem like a fat, fat pig, but you never know. She could've been a scary monster with a hidden identity for all I know.

And now, please put your hands together for Lina! Her Treas de something something school got bombed and the whole darned place got blown up, so she came back to Hogwarts. Sad thing was, her parents were both professors there. They both got exploded and she's working out an adoption plan with the Ministry department: the Department of Adoption and Fostering of Preteen Witches and Wizards. She hasn't left her dorm room for ten suns, and she hasn't attended classes for even longer.

O.. Starting tomorrow! We were so shocked, because after all that's happened we've forgotten about studying. That habawabashey thing…. It's all so confusing. I asked Alice, who is going through a make-up break-up scene with Frank, and she said that she fucking didn't take Ancient Runes. So I looked it up in the huge, dusty textbook. It said that it was bats. Well! I guess mine and Gwen's guesses were wrong. So now, I have to write a three-foot long essay on how I should translate it properly. Hmph. I wanted it to be popcorn.

At lunch (stuffed chicken and chips), I spent the whole time studying my book from cover to cover. My first O.W.L is on Ancient Runes. Another word I've been having trouble on is _relicocovoushui_, and it was so hard for five minutes. Gwen told me it was "broken television", and my first reaction was happy. Then I looked it up. "Lady". I was so angry, but that just goes to show that Gwen isn't always perfect in her lessons!

Signed, Lillian Evans.

P.S. James put bubblegum on my seat today in Charms, and I spent thirty minutes trying to get off of it.


	11. Sept 25, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

James has reached an all-new low. He's so pathetic. He asked me out again today. Okay Diary, you know I like him a bit, but I still can't go out with him. However, someone by the name of Lily Evans' conscience told me to go out with him, since I like him anyway. He wanted to treat me to a box of chocolates from Honeydukes and a butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks, which was unusually nice of him since he didn't mention Zonko's at all. While he was asking me, Sirius shot him a conspicuous look that read, "What happened to our usual hangout at the joke shop?" Only Remus noticed, but he ushered Sirius away before I replied.

So the next Hogsmeade date is in three months, but it's cool to hang out with James a little later. Besides, he told me he would sit next to me and we could have a small, but public, date in school. He's so darned sweet….but I still hate him.

Anyway, to get revenge on account of me taking away his Hogsmeade date with James, Sirius pulled a prank on me. He charmed a piece of cloth to become invisible, then placed it at the bottom of the girl's staircase. I took a bad fall, and my head cracked against the study table. Sirius was standing sheepishly in the corner, looking like he was hoping it wouldn't turn out to be so serious. Alice had been right behind me, alongside Gwen, so they called Madam Pomfrey. Gwen muttered that Sirius was a no-good, fucking two headed freak, but luckily Alice didn't hear (she's not that big a fan on cuss words).

When I was released, I headed straight for the Great Hall. Madam Pomfrey told me I was having a concussion, so she advised me to skip the rest of my classes and hang out in the hospital wing. Alice brought me the assignments, and informed me that most of it was really difficult and would have been easier if I had been in class and stayed there for the whole lesson. I grimaced.

"Thanks a lot, Alice." Alice didn't smile, because she was going through the break-up scene with Frank and never smiled anymore.

The rest of the day was a blur, because I remember taking a nap while trying to read _Standard Book of Spells, Level 5 _by Miranda Goshawk.

Well, that's all for today. I'm tired and McGonagall yelled at me to stop writing and sleep a bit.

Signed, Lily Tired Evans


	12. Sept 30, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

O.W.L s are so hard! I could hardly finish my History of Magic Essay, and my Ancient Runes Translation Exam went horribly. I guessed on about one-half of the answers, and Snape kept prodding me in the back with the back of his quill the whole day. James' face turned puce, and after the tests I caught him taunting Snape. Snape did a curse on James, so horrible that it made James bleed to death – I think it was _Sectumprenda _or something, but I couldn't really hear him over the yelling of the students. Oh and actually, our tests were pre-OWLs, the teachers informed us. And all this time I was stressing for nothing.

Since You-know-who is still at large, they decided to let us go out weekly to Hogsmeade, which I don't get at all. Gwen, who is going out with Sirius for the Hogsmeade date, assumed it was to let us see our last moments of daylight before we supposedly get murdered horribly, and I thought that was kind of harsh….not to mention creepy.

The sad thing is, tomorrow is the Hogsmeade thing and James is all fixed up, but Madam Pomfrey is going to interrogate Snape, with the DADA teacher, Dumbledore, and Slughorn. She said that James has to be there to provide information occasionally, and so I'm dateless. Alice and Frank are back in the make-up, and Gwen is with Padfoot. So now I'm a loner. I even wish Xavier would ask me out, but he's been swarmed over with girls since he hurt himself. That dumb kid.

My sneakers are wearing out so I wrote to Mum, asking for new shoes. She sent me a Howler that she bought from Diagon Alley, on account of she is practically part of the Wizard community now. I was too scared to open it in the Great Hall, so I grabbed it, snatched a last piece of bread, and dashed upstairs as quickly as I could.

Fortunately, the common room was empty. I opened it there.

_**LILY EVANS! YOU WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY BOY IN OUR HOUSEHOLD! AND ABOUT YOUR SNEAKERS….WELL IF YOU INSIST ON LIKING THIS JAMES POTTER THEN WE WILL GIVE YOU MOTH EATEN ONES INSTEAD! NO NO NO! YOU WILL NOT LIKE THIS BOY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO. AND I GET A LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE SAYING YOU'VE FRACTURED A CHILD'S SKULL! WHY, I OUGHTA BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME! THIS IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL PLAYHOUSE, LILLIAN! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE SENSIBLE LIKE YOUR SISTER? LISTEN, IF YOU PULL ONE MORE SHENANIGAN THEN WE'LL ZAP YOU HOME FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY, "UNFAIR." UNDERSTOOD?**_

When that ended, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over.

Well, see ya tomorrow, Diary. James was released, but Snape was put on detention. So I'm going to Hogsmeade with him. Yeah!

Signed, Lily Unlonely Evans.


	13. Oct 5, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

Professor Tufty died today. Our school was in mourning – personally, I wasn't so sad because it was Tufty's own fault that he died. He inhaled some pungent aroma which is bad for your immune system or something, and his red blood cell count was like, over the millions.

Sorry I didn't write like for FOREVER. I've been busy doing schoolwork. Gwen and Padfoot are officially a couple, and so are James and I. I sometimes yell at him for doing bad things to Snivellus – after all, he's still my old friend from the hometown – but Snive is still my stupid old enemy. I mean, _mudblood_?

Alice and Frank are back in break-up. Alice was crying all night (and Frank was grumbling, according to James) so I told her to shut her piehole and that she doesn't need Frank to complete her. That made Alice cry more, so I skipped over to her unbelieveably soft bed and soothed her till she went to sleep. I still have to act like a mother to her frequently, but she seems _so_ mature. Her brown hair is long and soft, and her eyes are hazel and beautiful. Her face is a little round but rest assured she's stuck with Frank. Who knows? What if they have a round faced son?

Our Hogsmeade date is tomorrow. James made sure to make a transaction over the weekend so he would have plenty of money to buy me things there, because since my family's pure Muggle I had to rely on the school's funding system. They gave me forty pounds in Muggle money, and that's worth forty five Galleons. That wasn't much to spend for a whole year. So I spend carefully and only buy neccessities, like new wands. In Diagon Alley, they opened up a sneaker shop. The same company opened one in Hogsmeade too. The sneakers cost fifty Galleons, though, since they're guaranteed to last ten years, and McGonagall said she would work out a compromise – every day that I cleaned her office, I would get one Galleon. Oh, well. I only had to work five days. But I really wanted to get them ASAP because I think my shoes couldn't last one more day.

Tuny sent me a letter yesterday, and I got a second glimpse of Maevine. She's so pretty! I loved her instantly and fed her some pumpkin juice. She said she found her first sight of acne and she asked me to check, too. I did check, and I had a pimple! Gwen knows the acne spell, and she did it on my face. The pimple disappeared. Gwen looked really proud of herself and she explained that that was what she used to keep her face clean and to "lock in shine". I rolled my eyes but helped Gwen sew her newest cobweb dress for the date with Sirius. She wanted to style her hat, so I did that for her, too. She had a scroll full of makeup spells! I'm doing them tomorrow for the date.

Signed, Lily Pretty Beautiful Evans.


	14. Oct 6, 1972

Dear Dumb Diary,

I broke up with James because he went too far. He nearly killed Snivellus with his latest joke! He did the stream of slick oil on Snape, and guess what? His head broke his fall. He immediately started bleeding, and the Charms corridor sounded a bit like this:

"Ah! Severus is gonna die!"

"Someone get Pomfrey!"

_Drip drip drip_ (blood)

"No one's getting the nurse!"

"Hey Bella, float him to the hospital wing!"

_More drips of blood_

"Ew! My sneakers are turning red!"

"There's pools of blood leaking into Flitwick's room! Someone call Filch!"

"I'm not cleaning that up!" (Filch protesting)

"Dumbledore and Pomfrey need to be here!"

_Drip drip drip plip of blood_

Finally, Dumbledore declared some order in the corridor. He and Flitwick managed to magic him up to the hospital wing, and Pomfrey met them halfway. They rushed him up to the wing, and he almost died. Everyone who witnessed the event (including me) had to admit that it was James that nearly killed Snape, and James was put on detention. Dumbledore said it wasn't fair that only James had to have a detention for nearly murdering someone, so I was put on detentions too. And McGonagall jumped in, so now we're suspended – well, we're put in the seclusion tower, which no one had heard about until now. We don't get to participate in the activities, we eat separate meals, and we take classes via iWandChat. It's very cool, but I have to live in the same room as James! Dumbledore knew about the privacy issues, so he conjured up a curtain to divide up the room. Gwen tried to visit once, but the gargoyles guarding the tower didn't let her pass unless she knew about the password (tea tree). Gwen guessed it in five seconds, so the gargoyles had no choice. They admitted her, and we had the best time (it was a Saturday). Unfortunately though, James and I didn't get to have our date because we both got secluded from activities... as mentioned above.

"I'm going to take a shower," James informs me twice a day. It's really stupid – as if I _really_ needed to know that. I could have lived my whole life without that image in my head!

Signed, Lily Isolated Evans


End file.
